It’s bittersweet to be blogging again. I haven’t blogged since last July. For those of you who don’t know, in August, our then 7-month old quit breathing in my lap (while fully awake) and turned blue. By the grace of God, my husband happened to be home and was able to get him breathing again until the ambulance arrived. That event was the first of a series of events that led me into a period of time in my life I will refer to as the “Dark Days.” It didn’t happen all at once – slowly, almost imperceptible changes started creeping in over time that sapped my joy. This post is my reflection on the Dark Days and what I have learned from the experience. It’s ugly and honest, but now that I am “coming out of the dark” (how many of you now have that Gloria Estefan song stuck in your head? You’re most welcome!) I realize that there was one recurring theme running through my downward spiral – two truths and a lie. Here’s what I learned and I’m sharing with the hopes of encouraging/warning all of you. We are all susceptible to “the game.”
The game – “two truths and a lie” – I’m sure most of you remember it from your childhood. It’s really easy – the whole point of the game is to tell someone two truths and one lie about yourself and have them guess which one is the lie. The more similar the items (i.e. the more far-fetched the truths seem to be and the more truthful the lie seems to be), the better. The object of the storyteller is to try and intermingle the truths and the lies so well that the person guessing cannot tell the difference.
Can you guess who one of the original storytellers was?
In the following statement, see if you can guess which of the three items is a lie:
“…but God did say, ‘You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.” – Genesis 3:3
- You must not eat from the tree
- You must not touch the tree
- If you do, you will die
Let’s back up to Genesis 2: 16 – “And the Lord God commanded the man, “You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die.”
Two truths – 1) Don’t eat from the tree, 2) When you eat you will die
So, what happened to Eve? Was she purposely lying here? I don’t think so – here’s my take on the chain of events.
Satan comes to her with a seemingly innocent question that IS purposely throwing a lie her way, “Did God really say you must not eat from any tree of the garden?” (Genesis 3:1)
Eve is thinking back (hmmm….ok, the tree is “off limits”) and responds with what seems to be the truth from what she recalls (or maybe she is throwing in some “extra” for dramatic effect? Not that I would ever know what that is about…) – “We may eat from any of the trees of the garden, but God did say not to eat or touch the one in the middle.”
Now a little lie has been added. It flows so easily with the story that I didn’t even pick up on the difference until I had been through Genesis multiple times….
So Satan tells her she will not surely die. She touches the apple. She doesn’t die. Hmmmm. Perhaps now she’s thinking that maybe Satan is right after all? Does God really love her and want what is best for her? Suddenly she doesn’t know anymore. She obviously didn’t die when she touched the apple. So she takes a bite…
And the rest is history, as they say.
Satan is crafty. Most sin “creeps” in over time and quite frankly an awful lot of sin sneaks in when we are not even aware of it (when it intermingles with some truths and seems to blend right in). It’s nothing less than spiritual warfare, and it is so important to be on our guard for the battle that is being played out in our minds.
Back to my story….
We took little bit to the hospital and he had multiple tests performed over a period of two days. Everything came back normal (with the exception of slight anemia that they attributed to breastfeeding. He was prescribed Polyvisol drops, but they did not think the anemia was related to the event). So, no answers or explanation. – it was simply labeled an “alte” – “apparent life-threatening event” (just in case you didn’t know that ceasing breathing was apparently life-threatening).
We were sent home with an apnea monitor.
Apnea monitors detect when a child’s heart rate drops too low or becomes too high, and when there is a period of apnea (non-breathing). This thing went off ALL.THE.TIME. False alarms. Like 8 or 9 times a night. If he moved a little bit, the plugs would come out, or the pads would be too far away from his body. Or the parameters were not set correctly for his age group. It was 3 months of no sleep. Literally. We had to keep him on it for so long because he had two “true” incidents spread out throughout all these false alarms where the apnea readers say he really had an apnea. We could not tell the difference. We checked on him every time the alarm went off and I never noticed where he was not breathing when I went in there (or was blue), but apparently there are ways to tell when the readers look over the downloaded results. So…understandably, my husband and I were really exhausted from all this.
Then there were some other medical thing-a-ma-jiggies…
Our eldest son was misdiagnosed with asthma for over a week (5 doctor visits in one week) and unable to breathe at night. The only way we could settle him down was to throw him in a hot shower. We had him on a ridiculous number of medications and homeopathic remedies (oral steroids, inhaled steroids every four hours, albuterol every three hours, Singulair, Claritin, Essential Oils, etc.) and nothing was working. After switching doctors for a second opinion, we found out he was battling pneumonia….
Our baby was crawling around and got glass stuck in his hand (from a picture frame that had fallen and shattered a few days before and we thought we had gotten it all up – why, of course we didn’t…) and he had to have pediatric surgery to remove the glass and resulting abscess…
I found a lump in my breast. My ob-gyn blew it off since I was still breastfeeding. However, the lump did not go away, and when I went for a second opinion, they immediately did two mammograms and an ultrasound and said things looked suspicious. So, they scheduled me for a biopsy….
My eldest fell at school and busted two of his front teeth, which turned gray, so we had to see a pediatric dentist….
He also had this weird rash appear on his face that we never received an explanation for (we were told possibly caused by a sinus infection?):
He also had some weird white “bumps” appear on his tongue that we never did receive an explanation for either (kinda gross, so I’ll spare you the pic on this one!)
The pediatrician said she had never seen anything like it, and was going to refer us to an ENT if they did not resolve in a week, but they went away about 5 days later. They have come back one time since then for a day, but I’m not too worried about it. We have too much other going on… (see other more pressing medical needs above – ha!)
Oh, and in the midst of all this my SMC website got hacked by some person or group pretending to be Anonymous (Guy Fawkes mask logo).
I should have realized how vulnerable I was to “the game” by this point. I was REALLY tired and a wee bit emotional too, particularly with the three “no explanation” medical oddities (I felt such a loss of control….why I would ever think I am in control in the first place is another issue???), but I was so focused on the motto “just keeping swimming” (from Finding Nemo, in case you’re wondering) that I didn’t see what was happening.
(to be continued)